After being convinced by a dear friend of mine that I should write down some of the bons mots that come out of my mouth (just for posterity's sake, you understand), and not only that, but that people would actually read this shit, I've finally got around to it.

A little about me:

So I'm Simon. I like theatre. A lot. I also like Chinese food and complaining. The list of things I dislike is far greater than the things I like. I am my own, and everybody else's, harshest critic, but I will also be the first to admit when I am wrong. I recently entered old age with my 23rd birthday, and my current watering hole is known to the rest of the world of "Carlisle? Isn't that in Scotland?"

I also have twitter. Where I say what I say on here (sometimes more), but in little bitesize digestible chunks.

twitter.com/SimonGrant

 

I have a friend.

Let’s call him Neil. I’ve known Neil for over 10 years now, and he’s a character. Neil has recently decided that he no longer wants to be known as Neil, he wants to be known as Anna. He is claiming to be transgender.

The reason I say “claiming” to be is because Neil has a history of attention seeking, lying, and deceitfulness in the worst possible way. In the years that I have known him, he has changed his sexuality multiple times, proposed to girls he has no intention of marrying, performed in a gay porn movie, and claimed to have terminal cancer, in addition to your everyday, garden variety, lying and attention seeking.

I suspect that this is yet another desperate cry for attention from an increasingly desperate human being, however I am reluctant to call him out on his suspected bullshit. If he is legitimately transgender, then he has my full support, however I’ve left out one small piece of evidence that lends me to believe he is attempting to pull off his most offensive stunt yet.

We were part of a very close, very small, tight-knit friendship group at school. We were the weird ones, the outcasts who found each other. One of our best friends was Emily, who at the age of 15, wrote us a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking letter revealing that she had long  been hiding part of her identity from us. She was transgender. After she had bared her soul and found nothing but love and support from all of us, she proceeded to shave her head, change her name to Will, and start living as a man. Over the years, I have unfortunately lost contact with Will, and don’t know how he is doing, but when I last spoke to him, he had completed his counselling, and was very close to the end of his hormone therapy that he had to undergo before he could have the physical operation to become a man.

From all accounts, being transgender is something you are born with. You feel trapped in the wrong body. Why, then, when Neil was confronted with something, that if he is trans, must have rung so true and hit so close to home, did he not speak up? Why did he not say, “Hey, I’ve been feeling these things as well, I’m so glad I’m not alone.” The loneliness, solitude, and feelings of isolation were what had led Will to keep his secret from us for so long. Neil must have been feeling these things too, as he is now, in his mid-20s, claiming to have felt them all his life.

I want to approach Neil and talk to him about it, because if he is attention seeking, then not only is he offending the trans community, he is also putting his new friends through what we felt all those years ago, and for no other reason than to boost his ego. If he is trans, then I want to help and support him, but I can’t find a way of asking him about it without sounding judgmental and accusatory. Any suggestions?

Seriously.

Why do these people in Santander adverts keep invading people’s homes? And why do they not tell them to fuck off? Or get freaked out?

WHAT IS UP WITH THIS SHIT?

Rory McIlroy turns up in my house to tell me about a mortgage, I call the police. Jessica Ennis on the other hand….

Feeling very emotional tonight.

And I have no idea why.

I just watched Little Miss Sunshine, and I was welling up during the very first scene. The mum walks into the hospital room, where Frank is in a wheelchair, and she says to him, “I’m so happy you’re still here”, and he replies, “Well, that makes one of us.”

It just reminded me of New Years Day, and the first time I saw my mum walk in to that room.

I’m nowhere near as low as I was then, but I think this is probably the lowest I have been since then. The biggest thing is obviously my uncertainty surrounding work. Oh, I haven’t told you about that? Let me briefly explain:

I got suspended from work while they investigated a formal complaint against me by the MILF for harassment. I finally got fed up of all the shit she was putting me through, and sent her a text that I immediately regretted. She made an official complaint about it, and voila. Suspension.

On Monday I will be entering my fourth week of being suspended. The investigation has been concluded, the disciplinary meeting has been and gone, and I have yet to hear anything from them. They’ve described it as potential gross misconduct. So it’s apparently sackable. But over a week after the meeting, and they have yet to even get in touch with me.

So now, while I have that sack of shit hanging over me, I’m left here, sitting on my arse, not able to do anything or go anywhere because the terms of my suspension state that I have to be available all my normal working hours. So I’m sat here twiddling my fucking thumbs waiting to hear whether or not I still have a job. So I’m emotional.

I’m getting frustrated and angry, and I’m doing my best not to take it out on anyone. She is starting every sentence with “You know what your problem is?” and criticising everything about my life. My sleeping (too much), my eating (not enough and not the right things), the state of my bedroom (IT’S MY FUCKING ROOM), and just about everything in between. And I don’t even have work to distract me.

On a positive note, Grace and Mitch have been wonderful. The past 3 weeks, I don’t think there has been a day where I haven’t seen one of them. They have been everything I have needed and more. I’ve been getting so many messages of support from people at work, people that haven’t been taken in by her spell, who can see what her bullshit really is. Those two things, plus my saint of a mother, are what is getting me through this.

I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait to go back to work.

My fantasy football teams went 12-6 this weekend. 

Yes. I have 18 fantasy teams. What’s it to you?

Hell is other people.

Jean-Paul Satre

Inspiration for Actors.

Actors are some of the most courageous people on the face of the Earth. They deal with more day to day rejection in one year than most people do in an entire lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get “real jobs,” and their own fears that they will never work again. Every day they have to ignore the possibility that their vision to which they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every passing year many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predicable milestones of normal lives- the car, the family, the house, the nest egg.

But actors stay true to their dreams, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to the moment- that line, that laugh, that gesture or that interpretation that will stir the audience’s soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life’s nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit(s) and touched another’s heart. In that instant they are as close to magic and perfection as anyone ever could be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes.

chescaleigh:

"Ask A Slave Episode 1: Meet Lizzie Mae"

"Ask a Slave" is a new webseries that was inspired by real questions actress Azie Dugney heard while working as a living character on the historic George Washington’s Mount Vernon Site. The production is great and Azie has amazing comedic timing, but the real genius of this series is that slavery is not the butt of the joke here. The humor comes from the clueless tourists that clearly know nothing about slavery or our nation’s history.  I’m really excited to watch this series develop, it’s truly hysterical in that head shaking “oh white people” sorta way.

So Burger King is doing a new French Fry burger.

Am I missing something here? Who would pay extra to have chips in their burger, put there by a greasy teenager who doesn’t give a shit about your food, when you can just do it yourself.


They’re making money from people’s laziness.